The Baha’i Faith // Johannesburg // Law // Fashion // Third Culture Kid ( South Africa x Iran ) // Music // People // Words // Art // LIFE // ❤ // Basically Just Trying.... //
The past few weeks have just had so many little reminders of people and things and places and etc etc etc that used to leave me with warm fuzzy feelings…things I used to be and do for my self. Not that I don’t have that anymore, but things are just different - I resent the idea that one must give up what (/who) one now has as if that is the reason why things are different (as opposed to a different life stage etc).
But yeah….my old business, my blog, old people that I was closer to…everything passes, and it is so swift and yet so slow….like if you looked at a graph of yourself every day, nothing would really seem that different, but if you look at yourself over a 5 year period, you would note major shifts….
My apologies if you sent me a message and I haven’t responded….Tumblr’s inbox message system doesn’t have dates, and I can’t see if/what I replied….so if you send me a message please give me some type of time frame/date indication as to when you sent it so I can track my life.
I want to write things for the world to see, (but I don’t want anyone who I know to read them)
I used to write a lot more…now I’m far more aware (read *self conscious* [?]) of the reader(s). I have things to say….not to anyone in particular, but just things that need to be vocalised (or written), because if I don’t get them out of my system they will seep into the sheets of my skin and bind themselves to the strand of the wall of each cell that flows through me. And I don’t want to give these things life…Where is all this rage coming from? Why am I so angry? So very very angry? I go to sleep with a scowl. These profound feelings of being hard done by when I have so much to be grateful for (are they mutually exclusive feelings?) Injustice (personal) enrages me. But I don’t have answers to the questions I ask, like : Why can’t I be considered and taken into account in the same small ways that I pay attention to and try for others? I was once told that my expectations of people are too high….I dunno. I’ve pressed delete a few times here, because it will read like I’m throwing tantrums : why can’t I be the centre of attention? why can I not be prioritised? And if not prioritised why can I not just be left alone as opposed to interfered with? Why am I not included in decisions that effect me, or consulted with?
Why am I not?
p.s.
[maybe it’s because those people don’t realise how important those things are to you? they seem insignificant] (I’m answering my own questions here)
